Alright, listen up, y’all. We gotta figure out this football stuff, this… Dallas Goedert or Kyle Pitts thing. My grandson, he’s always yellin’ about these fellas, fantasy football this, fantasy football that. Says I gotta help him decide who to pick. Like I know the first thing about these fancy city boys throwin’ a pigskin around! But, I’ll do my best, so here we go, just plain talk, none of that highfalutin nonsense.
First off, they got these “experts,” you know, the fellas on TV with their shiny suits and slicked-back hair. They talkin’ ’bout who to “start” and who to “draft.” Start means, I guess, who you put on your team for the week. Draft means who you pick for the whole season. Sounds like a whole lotta fuss to me. They keep jabberin’ on about “PPR advice” and “player statistics.” PPR, they say, is points per catch. More catches, more points. Simple enough, even for an old woman like me. Statistics? That’s just numbers, how good these boys are at catchin’ and runnin’, I reckon.
Now, this Goedert fella, they say he’s got, what was it? 22 touchdowns through the air. That sounds like a lot, don’t it? Means he catches the ball and runs into that end thingy, the place where they score. They also sayin’ he gets somethin’ like 43 yards a game. A yard, that’s about as long as my arm, maybe a bit more. So, he runs that far, 43 times a game, with the ball. And he catches the ball about 3.7 times a game. That ain’t much, seems to me. They also talkin’ about his “longest reception.” That just means the farthest he ran after catchin’ the ball, I figure. Sounds important, but they don’t say how long it was.
- Goedert: 22 touchdowns, 43 yards per game, 3.7 catches per game.
Then there’s this Pitts fella. They don’t give as many numbers for him, which ain’t right. How’s a body supposed to choose without knowin’ the facts? But they do say you gotta decide if you should “draft” him for the whole season, or just “start” him for a week. They keep sayin’ “Week 11,” “Week 12,” “Week 13.” Guess that’s just the weeks of the football games. And somethin’ about the “2024 Season,” that must be next year.
They got these tools, these “free tools,” they say. You punch in the players’ names, and it tells you who to pick. Sounds like cheatin’ to me. Back in my day, you just picked the fella who looked the toughest, or the one with the prettiest smile. But times have changed, I guess.
Some fellas on somethin’ called “Fantasy Footballers” are givin’ advice too. I don’t know who they are, probably more of them city slickers. They’re talkin’ about whether to start Goedert or Pitts in Week 13. They must be important if they got their own show talkin’ about this stuff. And they keep sayin’ “KyleDallas,” “KyleDallas,” all the time. Must be some kinda code word these football fellas use. I reckon it’s just a way to talk about both of them at the same time since folks are always tryin’ to pick between them.
Now, one fella says you should definitely pick Goedert, says he’s “worth spending a draft pick on.” But then he goes on and on about spendin’ the “incorrect draft capital.” Sounds like he’s talkin’ about money again. Always about money with these city folk. But I think he means you gotta pick him at the right time, not too early, not too late. Like pickin’ tomatoes from the garden, gotta get ‘em when they’re just ripe.
They also got this “side-by-side comparison.” That’s just lookin’ at them two fellas next to each other, seein’ who’s better. But they don’t show me the comparison! Just tell me it exists. Lands sakes, makes a body wanna pull her hair out. And somethin’ about Goedert havin’ 274 catches for somethin’. They don’t finish the sentence, just leaves it hangin’. Probably for somethin’ important, maybe yards, maybe touchdowns, who knows? Makes it hard to figure things out, it does.
So, what’s the upshot of all this? Well, sounds like Goedert is a pretty good fella to have on your team. He catches the ball, he scores touchdowns, and he runs a fair bit. Pitts, well, they don’t say as much about him, so he’s kinda a question mark. If it was me, and it ain’t, mind you, I’d probably go with the fella I know more about. That Goedert fella. But, like I said, I don’t know nothin’ ’bout this football stuff. My grandson, he’s the one who’s gotta make the final decision. I just hope he picks the right fella and wins his game, whatever that means.
And that’s all I gotta say about Dallas Goedert and Kyle Pitts. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go make some supper. All this talkin’ about football makes a body hungry.
