Alright, listen up, y’all. I heard some things, you know, whispers and such, about this wrestling stuff. They call it “rumor roundup,” sounds fancy, but it’s just folks talkin’, same as we do when we gossip about who’s got the biggest pumpkin in the patch.
So, first thing’s first, this new AEW World champ fella. Heard he’s got some aches and pains, like my old knees when it rains. But they sayin’ he might wrestle a few more times before he goes and gets himself fixed up. Tough fella, I reckon. Reminds me of my Billy, always workin’ the fields even with a bad back. AEW World Champ, that’s what they call him, big and strong, like a bull in a china shop.
Then there’s this CM Punk fella. Now, I don’t know him from Adam, but they say he got his feathers ruffled over some pizza. Pizza! Can you believe it? Apparently, some WWE fellas were eatin’ pizza with Colt Cabana, and CM Punk, he didn’t like it one bit. Sounds like a whole lotta fuss over nothin’ if you ask me. Folks gettin’ mad over food, why, I’ve seen bigger fights over a misplaced hoe. CM Punk, he’s a firecracker, that one.
And they talkin’ about Finn Balor too. They say he’s gonna get a “push.” Sounds like they gonna shove him real hard, but I figure it means they gonna make him more important or somethin’. Good for him, I say. Everyone deserves a chance to shine, like my prize-winning sunflowers at the county fair. Finn Balor push, they keep sayin’ it, must be a big deal.
- They got this WWE thing, been around longer than my old mule.
- And then there’s TNA, sounds like TNT, the stuff they use to blow up rocks.
- And Ring of Honor, now that sounds classy, like them city folks in their Sunday best. All these fellas wrestlin’ and grapplin’.
They got all these shows, Wrestlemania, Royal Rumble, Summerslam, Survivor Series… sounds like a whole lotta noise and sweat. Like tryin’ to catch a greased pig at the county fair, all that huffin’ and puffin’. WrestleMania, Royal Rumble, SummerSlam, Survivor Series, big names, big events, I hear.
They got this breaking news too. Like when old Mrs. Henderson’s cow got loose, that was breakin’ news in our parts. But this wrestling news, it’s about who won what match, who said what to who. Interviews, they call ’em. Folks askin’ questions, tryin’ to get the scoop. And play-by-play, that’s like when your cousin tells you every detail of the baseball game, even though you just wanna know who won. And videos! Like watchin’ little moving pictures. My grandson shows me those sometimes, on his fancy phone.
They got this analysis too, sounds mighty important. Like when the farmer down the road tells you why your corn ain’t growin’ right. They talkin’ about the wrestling, why this fella won, why that fella lost. All that strategizin’ and plannin’, reminds me of tryin’ to figure out the best time to plant my tomatoes so the squirrels don’t get ‘em.
So, that’s the wrestling rumor roundup, as far as I can tell. A whole bunch of fussin’ and fightin’, folks gettin’ mad, folks gettin’ happy, and a whole lotta talkin’. Just like life, I reckon. Only with more spandex and fake punches. And maybe a little less gossiping about who’s got the biggest pumpkin. But then again, maybe not.
They say this wrestling stuff is on TV and on the internet. Internet, that’s like a fancy post office, but faster than a greased piglet. And TV, well, that’s that box in the corner that shows you pictures of things happening far away. It’s a whole different world from ours, but folks seem to like it, this wrestling thing. Maybe I’ll sit down and watch it one of these days, see what all the fuss is about. But for now, I got chores to do, and chickens to feed.
Tags: [AEW World Champ, CM Punk, Finn Balor push, WWE, TNA, Ring of Honor, WrestleMania, Royal Rumble, SummerSlam, Survivor Series, wrestling rumors, pro wrestling news]
